Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
