i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
