Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
