why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
All I want is dick and wine.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
