dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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