i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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