Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
