she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
