This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
