escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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