he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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