is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
