Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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