I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
