You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
