Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
