Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
