they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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