I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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