Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My ass is underappreciated
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
