I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
