Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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