she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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