no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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