she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
