She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
