shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
