Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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