I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
well you can't waste a boner
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
