dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
