I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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