i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
