So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
