I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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