I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
