Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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