Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
