wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
