In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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