The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
