He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
