I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
