come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
