Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
