allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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