I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
