if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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