i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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