We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
