so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
