just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
