you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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