Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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