i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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