I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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