So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
