covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
