I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
