I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
