i wish peter jackson would direct porn
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
