OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
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Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize