if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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