she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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