I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
