So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
