You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
