im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
