Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
