cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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