Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
