Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
