Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
