She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize