i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
