Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
