ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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