Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
