Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
