He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
