I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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