are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
