There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She's JV to your varsity
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
