I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
