whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
